


Way back to live

by Maymoon0525



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Inspired by Hadestown, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maymoon0525/pseuds/Maymoon0525
Summary: You tried to ask, but he raised his hand to stop you and continued, "We really don’t have time, my friend, you have to take Jesus on the road now. Here's the rule, you must listen to me carefully.”"You have to walk in front, you will be the guide, and Jesus will follow you." Simon looked at Jesus and saw that he nodded. "You most not turn around, you MUST NOT turn around. Once you turn around, both of you will go back to where you were, and I really, really couldn’t make it again."
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	Way back to live

**Author's Note:**

> After watched Hadestown I started to wonder what it would like if Judas got a chance to take Jesus back, so here it is.
> 
> Simon in this work is inspired by the brain child of two great creator Saffiaan and CalamityCain.  
> I can't stop myself from love Simon more and more after I read their works.

* * *

You died yelling his name.

This was ridiculous, everything about you.

You were just a puppet who thought he could make a difference, but you didn't realize it's just a farce orchestrated by someone else.

And he knew. He knew all the time.

No wonder he didn't listen to you. No wonder he pushed you away again and again.

You were doomed to be a traitor. Why shall he waste his time listening to you?

When the time comes, you will take the thirty pieces of silver and give him a kiss.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous.

You felt as if you were laughing, but you didn’t hear a sound.

You were supposed to be dead, weren’t you? What is this endless darkness?

Was this your punishment? Eternal solitude in the endless darkness.

You laughed again. At least you thought you did.

Time passed but you could not tell how long. You could not see, hear, or feel anything in this darkness.

The only thing you could do was replaying the past again and again, regretted to every decision you ever made.

And then those memories got blurry. Is that true? Is that fake? Have you ever said those words? Have you ever done these things?

Loneliness really has the power to drive people crazy, you realized.

But maybe it would be happier to be crazy?

You floated and sank on the edge of craziness, not crazy enough to forget, not sober enough to know what's true and what's not.

Then all the thoughts become pain.

You betrayed him.

You hurt him.

You killed him.

Those were all you could be sure of.

But you love him too.

You killed the one you loved.

You were a liar. You were Judas.

You remembered him said so.

You didn’t know how long has passed, but suddenly all sense came to you again.

The intense white light causes you to raise your hand to cover your eyes.

Your eyes were still unaccustomed to the light, but you saw someone standing in front of you.

You squinted and saw that blond guy, pulled out an ugly smile and said to you:

"Hi, Judas."

It was Simon.

Slowly, you recognized him. He's... your friend? If you remembered correctly.

You whispered his name out.

Simon was visibly relieved when he heard your voice and walked quickly up to you.

"Listen to me, Judas." Simon putted his arm over your shoulder and looked into your eyes. "Time is running out. You have to trust me."

Simon looked exhausted. He was always full of energy, but now he looked haggard.

He face was so serious, and you did not remember you had ever seen him like this.

"You have to come with me. We have to get Jesus back."

Simon dragged you toward somewhere, and light grew darker and darker while you two move forward.

Before you knew it, you were walking on a dark stone path. Simon pulled you along, holding a lantern that looks very old in the other hand.

As far as the lantern light went, you knew you were walking in a cave, and you had no idea where it leads.

Simon didn't say anything and neither did you. With the sound of dripping water, you were thinking about what Simon had just said.

"Have to get Jesus back."

What did that mean? Get him back from…what or where?

Thinking causes physical pain, and pricking headaches constantly interrupt your thoughts.

But you let Simon pulled you along without a word of resistance.

Your friend said you have to trust him. Your friend said time is running out.

At least you could listen to him now.

Time was already meaningless to you, so you let Simon lead you step by step.

He would look back at you now and then, sometimes frowning, but he didn't say anything.

Until he stopped.

The person in front of you was the one you had thought about over and over again.

The man crouched on the ground and stood up rejoicing at the sight of you two.

And when he got up you could see how miserable he is.

He was wearing an orange jumpsuit, and the top was so loose that looked as if someone had pulled it so hard, which made his wounds could not be covered.

Those were whip wounds, you could tell.

It was a favorite of those Roman consuls, a nightmare you imagined over and over again in your mind.

And it turns into reality in front of your eyes, while some of the wounds were still oozing blood.

Simon had let go of your hand, but you didn't notice.

All you could notice was this scarred man right here.

You stagger to him, you wanted to touch him but you dared not.

You sat on your knees in front of him, looked up at his face, almost wailed and said his name: "Jesus."

How could he smile at you with all the miserable wounds?

He looked at you, reached his hand out and caressed your cheek.

Then he got down on his knees and hugged you.

Like your last hug, the one after you kissed him, the one after he questioned you, the one that was finally parted by the Roman guards.

You cried in his arms.

He hugged you and let you cry without saying a word.

This time was Simon who interrupts. He says:

"Guys, I know you must be emotional, but we really don't have time." He pulled both of you to your feet, but you and Jesus still held each other’s hand tight.

Simon continued to look at the two of you and said, "This is the only chance I've got. You need to get on way now"

“Judas," He turned to you and said," I know you must be confused right now, but I really don't have time to explain. You have to take Jesus with you. It's the only way you two could live."

You tried to ask, but he raised his hand to stop you and continued, "We really don’t have time, my friend, you have to take Jesus on the road now. Here's the rule, you must listen to me carefully.”

"You have to walk in front, you will be the guide, and Jesus will follow you." Simon looked at Jesus and saw that he nodded. "You most not turn around, you MUST NOT turn around. Once you turn around, both of you will go back to where you were, and I really, really couldn’t make it again."

He turned to Jesus and said, "Jesus, you must keep silent. I have explained to you."

Jesus nodded silently, and you had no idea what they were saying.

Simon turned to you and said, "You have to keep walking until you get out of the exit, until Jesus speaks to you. Remember, you could't turn around." Simon emphasis it again, and then he pulled out a smile, kind of like you remembered, and he said,

"I think we need a safeword, huh?" He gave emphasis to the word with a hand gesture, smile craftily. “I think “Mary’s taste in essential oils suck.” would suit it. Judas, until you hear Jesus says this to you, you must not turn back."

"Now, my friends, you really must hit the road." Simon said, looking at you two in turn. He smiled again and put his arms around you both. "I believe in you two. You must have a good living, huh?”

When Simon released you, you looked at Jesus and found that he was looking at you.

He squeezed your hand and gave you a smile, and then drew you close, and lightly kisses you on your forehead.

Then, you two hit the road.

Actually, you were confused indeed.

It all happened so fast, so soon, so inexplicably.

Your friend said there's no time, but you couldn’t understand why.

Not used to having senses, not used to having a body, you could only hold the confusion and walk forward.

Take the lantern Simon handed you. The flickering light only shows the road below you, but otherwise it is darkness.

_Where does this road lead to?_

You had no answer but to follow Simon's advice and kept moving forward.

Time became meaningless again, just like when you are alone in the dark.

Unlike then, you had a lantern in your hand, and you could hear the sound of footsteps and breathing echoing across the stone walls.

The sound of your own footsteps and breathing. You suddenly realize that it's only yours.

_Where is Jesus' voice? Is Jesus still there?_

This pops up question scared you.

All of a sudden you wanted to turn your head, just to make sure there's someone behind you.

But you remembered the touch of your friend hugging you, told you over and over again that you must never turn around.

Once you do, you'd all go back to where you were.

You would return to the endless darkness, and what about Jesus?

"Move forward." You repeated your friend's words, and the sound echoes from wall to wall.

**Move forward, forward, for---**

Yeah, move on. You listen to this sound and move on.

Jesus' bruises were still engraved in your mind.

It was not that you have tried to forget, how dared you?

Didn't you see this coming when you went to Caiaphas?

What the hell were you thinking? Why on earth would you betray him?

You've thought about this question so many times, too many times.

It was all because you were so stuck-up.

You knew Caiaphas. You thought he would always make room for his race.

You had also heard of the reputation of the current Roman consul, who was always known as a gentle man, never suppressed protests, and always let those protesters go.

You thought it would be a few years in prison at most, and that a prison sentence would save all of you from a worse ending and cool the rising tide of armed protest.

What was the result?

As a result, they batted Jesus to 3 quarters death even before the trial.

They are also leading the charge against Jesus on trumped up charges.

You saw it with your own eyes.

What did they do to him where you couldn't see him?

The scope of the light was so small that most of you could see was familiar darkness.

Recalling the past in the dark was something you were used to, with repeated practice, and you could say that you were good at it.

You began to think of your brief reunion.

And how long had it been?

You repeated "Move forward." time to time, tried to fill the mind with echoes, tried not to think about the possibility of no one behind.

But doubts did grow.

Recall too many times, the memory began to blur.

The scars began to creep up on the images in your memory.

One injury after another seemed to spread all over his body and began to creep up his face.

_Is he behind you? Is he still with you?_

_Will he really follow you forward? After what you did to hurt him?_

You remember the blood oozing from the wound, the ferocious red blood that made the skin around looked so pale.

_Oh God, he has suffered so much because of you, those overlapping whips, doesn't he hate you?_

_Does he really want to follow you?_

You tried to imagine the pain, because you were the one who shall be whipped like that.

You realized that you let yourself die too easily.

_You shall have gone back to camp; you shall have let everyone beat you._

_You shall have bled to death in the mud._

_You deserve a death like this. What the hell you dared to let yourself die with hanging?_

_You were a coward._

You kept walking, with the doubts kept growing.

_Where could you go on this way? Back to the world which whipped him?_

_What happened after you left? Simon, Peter, Mary... Did they be treated the same way?_

_Not Simon, right? You've just seen him. He looks tired, but he's not hurt._

_But why is Simon in front of you?_

_No, no, no, is it all true? Or are you just getting closer to madness and imagining it all?_

You were slowing down. What is the point of all this?

You were walking, but it's dark as far as you could see.

You slowly fell to your knees.

The light is flickering, but you couldn’t see it because you had your eyes closed.

When you closed your eyes, it was the familiar darkness again.

The stone under your knee is hard and cold, sucking in your temperature, and you couldn't help but thought that you'll just give up.

_It was always punishment. You deserved it._

But you hear the sound of water, drop by drop, drop by drop, falling on rocks.

It was the sound of tears breaking.

It was the sound of your endless regrets.

You opened your eyes again.

**“Go on!”** You stood up and shout loudly. The echoes reverberate and blur in the stone walls, so that you couldn't tell the original sound from them.

But you kept go on, you must to go on.

Your friend said he believes in you. Jesus smiled and kissed you.

So what if it was all fake? You have to keep going until you couldn't go any further.

Even if it's not real, you have to do it for them.

You couldn't let them down anymore; even they might be your fantasy.

You would hold on, you will hold on.

So you moved on, ignored all the doubts that popped up.

You couldn't tell how long you've walked; you just knew you were moving on.

Until you see a light in the distance.

It was an ordinary looking street lamp.

_Is this the end?_

You pick up speed and start running toward the light.

Before you knew it, you were no longer walking in the cave, the street lamp was lighting the dim road, and the moon was half-hidden by the clouds in the night sky.

_Is this the end?_

The closer you got to the lamp, the more frightened you became. The pace was getting slower and slower.

Finally, you came to the light and looked up to see the moon.

At this moment, pair of warm hands embrace you from behind.

A voice in your ear that you haven't heard in a long time says, "Mary’s taste in essential oils suck."

You turn your head and see the man again.

Jesus looked at you with a smile, but also with tears in his eyes.

"Judas.” He called your name.

"Jesus..." You said his name too, and he smiled and nodded at you.

You couldn't stand it any longer. You turn around and hug him tightly.

"Yes, I'm sorry, Jesus, I'm sorry..." you are incoherent, crying and repeating his name and apologizing.

He held you tight too, and he began to cry. Tears ran down his cheeks and down your hair.

"It's ok, really, Judas, it's OK..." he repeated.

You two hugged each other in the moonlight, and it took a long time to calm down.

When you could finally help each other to stand up, you found that there was a street scene that you do not know.

_Where is here?_

You didn't know, but you were holding Jesus' hand.

You knew he is next to you.

And that's enough.


End file.
